It’s only human to feel despondent, isn’t it?
Anyway, I was on medication for ‘Bipolar Disorder Type 2’ till about September last year and could not get by even for a month without my pills.
I had anxiety and anger issues.
I was never able to convince myself that I belonged to this world and that’s why I ended up being frustrated and sombre all the time.
I was constantly looking for the purpose of my human life and never found the answers I was looking for.
There was this constant feeling of emptiness within me. I felt vulnerable. I cried while driving, in the parking lots, while watching TV, in the shower and even at my desk in the office.
I tried to put up a brave front but I succumbed to the harsh realities of modern fast-paced life.
Life became unbearable and I felt unworthy all the time.
There were days when I could not even get out the bed. I could barely move. I was brain dead.
By that time I had started learning about Buddhism and had attended a few Twin Hearts meditation sessions.
Twin Hearts is a loving-kindness meditation that instils compassion and unconditional love.
We are all troubled by difficult emotional states but we do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them.
Yet, even when the mind goes sour it is within most people’s capacity to arouse positive feelings to heal it.
Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love.
This meditation practice can be used in a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion.
Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of changing old habituated negative patterns of mind.
I had all the resources to rehabilitate my mind, yet the procrastinator in me was begging me to just wait and watch.
Then, in one strong moment, I decided to put an end to that anguish.
I started with the easiest option available – sea salt baths.
Sea salt cleans aura and wards off negativity. Try it, you’ll love it!
I started to feel a little better, at least physically.
Then, one night before going to sleep I picked up my iPod and played the Twin Hearts meditation track on it.
I was in no condition to meditate, still, I kept listening to it.
A few minutes later I was in a deep meditative state.
I got goosebumps.
Suddenly, something hit me like a lightning bolt.
I was infused with optimism and could not stop laughing by the time the 22-minute meditation got over.
Instantly my thoughts were aligned and I could see the bigger picture.
I can’t explain that feeling in words but I had never experienced that kind of happiness in life before.
Now, I live with that ecstatic feeling every minute of my life.
Now, I don’t know any other way of life.
It has been six months now and I have never looked back since then.
No matter how crappy, scared or helpless you feel, you must sit down and introspect every day, even if it is just for 5 minutes.
The inward journey is the most important journey you can embark on and you must not neglect it at any cost.
I had a great life. My career was good and I earned more money than I needed, still, I got miserable and depression kicked in.
We search for happiness everywhere, but our treasure is within us already. To claim it, you must abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of heart and mind.
Learn to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate.
If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.
I have pledged to never give up on my daily meditation practice and I hope you start it as well if you haven’t already.
Meditation can cure anything!